Neptune Coffee Part 1

"I hate feeling like I can't feel--
Or rather, feeling like if I do I will cry until I pass out.
It's like a temporary, protective numbness--
But I feel it wearing off.
It's perpetuated by busyness--
And situations requiring dishonest smiles.
It allows me to sleep at night
Without racing thoughts and too real of nightmares.
But again...
I feel it fading.
I guess this stage that is passing is what they call denial.
But I haven't denied the facts.
I have denied the feelings.
And they're demanding to be heard.
They're refusing to be submissive.
I'm usually all about equality, equal rights, freedom of speech, etc...
But I both repress and oppress my emotions--
As if they aren't worthy to be heard.
As if they're not valid to feel.
I think the next stage is what they call anger...
I guess it's time I got angry."

~Anne-Marie 8/29/07

Animals & Humans

I took Benedict for a walk tonight at about 10 pm. He's a Boston Terrier I'm dogsitting.
As we were out walking and I'm talking to him like he's a person, we happened upon the most
beautiful shadow of a leaf-filled branch of a tree. Even though it was a shadow produced by artificial light, it was so intricate and precise. I had to sit down on the sidewalk and just stare at it--take it in. I found myself saying to Benedict, "I wish you could see this. I wish you could understand the beauty of this shadow in front of us!" And then I found myself wondering what kinds of beauty he experiences that I don't see. I wonder what kind of relationship he has with our mutual Creator.