Books read during our first year of marriage:

1. That book I read on our honeymoon that I can't remember the name of...about that house, by the British author.
2. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
3. Night by Elie Wiesel
4. Of Mice and Men by Steinbeck
5. Emma by Jane Austen
6. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
7. The Highflyer by Susan Howatch
8. The Heartbreaker by Susan Howatch
9. The Wonderworker by Susan Howatch                            

Confessions of the Anxious

I wish I liked myself more.
That would be nice.
And beneficial.
Maybe then I wouldn't have bumps all over my face.
And hip bones plunging out of my body.
Maybe then I could wake up breathing calmly.
And put my feet on the floor without fearing the touch of the carpet.
That would be nice.

How the fuck do we accept the things we cannot change?!
How do we sit here, powerless,
And keep hoping that all shall be well?
Sometimes I just don't know,
And I'm tired of hoping here prostrate on the floor.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,
Have mercy on me a sinner.
I'm tired.
I want clear skin more than I want You.
I want the life back in my eyes more than I want Your approval.

Father, forgive me,
For I know what I do.

A morning reflection modified from Thomas Merton; it was a windy morning in Seattle.


"I who sit here and pray and think and live-- 
I am nothing and do not need to know what is going on.
I need only to hope in Christ
and hear [the howling wind that now begins to shake the trees 
and sends its holy sound to me through the window panes]."

Fall's Frailty

It's Fall again;
The earth's season suits my life's.
Things are dying, falling apart.
There's a 'hunkering-down' occurring,
But not without hope of eventual re-emergence.
 There's a 'going inside myself';
A searching of my own depths-
An acceptance of what is there
And of what I want to be there.
 God is trying to grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
 Like the yellow Maple leaves
 Fluttering outside my window,
Who fall without their choosing.

 We fear our own beautiful frailty.

Propoganda of Satan (reap what you sow)

this makes me so angry and sad.

look at lesson 11 small group application:

http://www.childrendesiringgod.org/documents/samples/rggd_journal_sample.pdf

The KCB

How do you get through the day when the Kingdom of Corporate Business pays your salary?
...When this kingdom appears to be trampling the Kingdom of God?
'The Man' has set itself up in my chair, as king of 40+ hours of my week.
Oops, I don't mean 'my' week.
This is God's week.

See.
I'm starting to think things are MINE.

The weight is so heavy.
I keep forgetting the world is not black and white.

New Good Music of 2011

Paper Route -- especially their song "second chances"
Azure Ray
Bon Iver
Arcade Fire
Rosie Thomas
Motopony
Allen Stone
Beach House
Gregory Alan Isakov
The song "Laughing with" by Regina Spektor
The song "Lights" by Rihanna and Kanye West

Albums of the last year (last July - July '11):
--"Age of Ads", Sufjan Stevens
--"The Suburbs", Arcade Fire
--"King of Diamonds", Motopony
--The National
--"The Valley", Eisley
--"Recovery", Eminem
--"Neon Bible", Arcade Fire; particularly the song, "My Body is a Cage"